Festivus, Wherein We Perform Feats of Strength

Today and yesterday have been a bold celebration of "the holiday for the rest of us" for me. I undertook, as per my New Year's Resolution, to deal with the kitchen remodel. This was to entail, in theory, removing the old sink and faucet and taking the old countertop and backsplash off so that the granite company could template.

In practice, it has so far entailed the following: the discovery that we own only abnormal tools and subsequently having at a stubborn piece of the old backsplash with an ice axe and a geology hammer (without damaging the drywall!); more intimate knowledge of the garbage disposal than I ever thought I'd have; a late inning run to the hardware store for a pair of channel locks; leaky plumbing; the unpleasant realization that Josh and I had different expectations regarding the dishwasher air gap; the discovery that the builders who built our complex did a half-assed job on every aspect of the construction except for the part where they glued the kitchen sink to the countertop with copious amounts of The Strongest Adhesive Known to Man; laboring for hours to wedge the long piece of countertop between two walls followed by several more hours of laboring to free it again; and a daybreak jaunt to procure a reciprocating saw.

I googled reciprocating saws several times to optimize my chances of finding a suitable one and one of the searches turned up porn. I don't remember the exact words that I typed in, but one of the phrases was definitely "reciprocating saw." I don't want to know what that porn was all about.

There was one point when I looked up from my work, geology hammer in one hand and ice axe hanging from my pants, and thought that it was a good thing that neither my father nor either of my grandfathers could see me at that moment. They'd have either died or rolled over in their graves, respectively. But maybe they'd have given me a few points for improvisation. I couldn't decide.

On the bright side, I've stopped feeling guilty about the fact that I haven't lifted weights all week.

I was going to note how long it's been since I last bathed, but then I realized that I was having to think about it for several seconds, and that means that I'm filthier than I thought I was. I see a long shower in my future.

Now, grievances successfully aired, I will go out to obtain disposable dining ware and pick up Josh's shirts from the dry cleaner.