It Was All So Different Than I Thought It Would Be

Fairly recently, I met a man and liked him. I like liked him. He was beautiful, easy to talk to and be with, and had a captivating personality. We had some cool things in common. If I'd been single, I'd have been, as they say, all over it.

I knew that something like this was bound to happen (perhaps even several times) after I was married. Life is long and people come and go, and it only stands to reason that some of them might be people you'd think about dating if you were single. Common sense, right?

Even so, it was weird to actually confront the situation. I think I was expecting it to feel very significant, only it didn't. Instead of feeling like this great big opportunity that I couldn't take, it felt quiet. It felt like a great chance to make a friend, about whom I shared a happy secret with myself. Sex is emotionally messy in a way that friendship is not. It's somewhat sad to admit this, but this was the first time in my life that I made friends with someone I was attracted to instead of bonking him somewhere along the line and complicating things or else freaking out and avoiding him completely. Awww, my id grew a superego, and isn't it cute?

I don't consider myself to be a particularly religious or spiritually connected person, but something about that whole experience made me feel very at peace inside myself. I think that it's just reassuring to discover like minds and compatible personalities elsewhere in the wide world, regardless of what kind of relationship you develop with their owners.

I didn't talk to him about my feelings because it would have been Bad on many levels and Pointless on others, but also, I didn't want to. Keeping it to myself is what made it pleasant rather than weird and stressful. Maybe he could tell how I was feeling anyway. I thought a few times that he reciprocated to some degree, but I was only ever curious just for curiousity's sake. I think it's always interesting (and sometimes humbling) to assess how far in left field you're actually standing.